crazy cycle

I have been reading a book called "Love and Respect" by Emmerson Eggerichs, and it talks about the crazy cycle that marriages get in. A wife feels unloved so she acts out in an disrespectful way and the husband feels disrespected so he acts out in an unloving way. This is very true of my marriage and I just don't know how to stop it. It makes sense that it happens and its so obvious that it is happening, but how do we get to where we can stop it. I don't think I know how to show my husband respect, everything I've seemed to try just ends up in another fight. The Bible commands wives in Eph 5:33 to respect their husbands, this is an unconditional respect, not one that he earns. This has got to be one of the most difficult things I've ever done. By the worlds standards, I have many reasons not to respect my husband, and my flesh tells me that I don't want to. I'm not suppose to be living by my flesh, though and every moment of weakness turns into another fight. I need a lot of help and a lot of prayer!! I need someone to help me see and learn the things I can do to make my husband feel respected, and I need some counseling to get past all the pain and disappointments that cause me to not WANT to respect him.